Ummm, it amazes me how I am not alone in a lot of the way my mind thinks. I could have written all of this too.
And I am sure we all are relating one way or the other.
Excellent question about whether this is some type of distorted thinking then about how everyone's perception is their own truth. Quite interesting.
I try and tell myself that in order to get up the hill I have to knock down some obstacles...and the top of the hill looks so peaceful. But the agony of getting there almost defeats the purpose...ya know.
You are not alone in your thinking dear Shaymus.
Hang on...please. Trust me...I know it is difficult.