Hi, Burbitine,

First let me say that I am glad that you are still posting here at Psychcentral. If you sincerely want to make changes in your life you can likely find advice and support here.

Second I am sorry about the loss of your girlfriend and the problems with your therapist and all. The girlfriend sounds like she had some problems of her own and perhaps wasn't the best choice for a relationship. But also I think you need to own what is/was your fault in this downward spiral. Not that you should feel guilty but unless you can identify your problem you cannot work to change.

Third you seem to often refer to what is happening in your life as winning and losing. That is pretty black and white thinking. You know what I am saying? Perhaps it would be better to think in terms of learning from your choices/mistakes and making new choices to take your life down a different path.