I think most of us have at one point behaved in ways that we regret. We all go through some kind of experience where we get upset and behave in ways that we shouldn't. It sounds to me like you know you stooped to a low level and have some regret. I hope you can take this life experience and grow from it. It's this kind of event that can lead to growth if you allow it. I hope you consider regrouping and putting the focus on yourself. If this is your illness then you are just as much a victim as the other parties. That is not to say that we are not accountable for each of our behaviors. If this is illness then get help please. I am sorry you got hurt and hurt others in your pain but please do your best to not feed into chaos in your life. I hope you and everyone involved is okay and that you all learn something from this and make your lives a little better from it.