FEAR is the first thing that comes to mind. When someone who has beaten you down mentally and physically tells you that they would rather see you dead than away from them, you tend to believe that they mean it. As far as accepting it, people accept whatever is familiar to them. Abuse does not generally start out as bad as it ends up. First you fall in love with the abuser, then they slowly break you down mentally, when you are mentally exhausted and judgment is clouded the physical abuse starts slowly. Often followed with apoligies and empty promises and reasons why you caused your partner to become so angry. I don't really know how it gets to the point that you are lying in the fetal position praying he will either stop hitting and kicking you or that he will do it hard enough that you will just go on and die. Looking back it seems like that is just where the relationship grew to. The feeling of being trapped in life takes your breath away and makes it hard to think clearly. Leaving is as scary as staying. That might not make sense to you but it is true in this case. When you have never been alowed to do anything on your own and you have children to take care of, no place to go, no way to get there, nobody who is going to protect you, leaving is scary. At least in the relationship, regardless of how bad or abusive it is, you know what to expect. Knowing what to expect is somehow not as scary as the unknown. You know what the hits feel like, sometimes you are even thankful for the pain because it is the only thing you can still FEEL. Do you know what it is like to be so emotionally numb that you no longer feel anything but physical pain? When/if you get out, you are aways effected. Wounds heal but scars remain!

-reaching4higher-