Hello everyone! I'm back I went to treatment in Florida for seven weeks. My addiction to Benzos, and mixing them with alcohol, was out of control. Today, I have 52 days clean, and I feel healthier than I have in my whole life. I have never had any clean time from Benzos because I was prescribed them 11 years ago, and I have been taking them consistently, or abusing them, ever since. Going to treatment in Florida was the most difficult, but most amazing, thing I have ever done. I went through an extremely hard detox, and the withdrawal symptoms were basically unbearable. The counselors there are VERY tough, but more empathic than anyone I have met-- they are all in recovery. There is no room for ******** there because you get called out on it IMMEDIATELY... and after all of these years, it's just what I needed.

In the seven weeks that I was there, I left T three phone messages to update him on how I was doing, and to let him know I was still alive and all of that stuff. I did not bother asking him to call back because they gave us our phones everyday from 4:30pm to 11:00pm (and longer on the weekends)... but I was living with other women so it is hard to receive phone calls-- the phone is usually busy, or we are at group/meetings, so no one is home to answer.

I spoke to T for the first time on the day that I left (I took a train b/c I don't fly, so I was on the train back to Philly for 27 hrs and had some time to talk). We just spoke for a few minutes. He kept my appointment time open.

I'm going to session today for the first time in over seven weeks. Unfortunately, this will be my only session until I go back to work. I really can't afford to see him until I am earning money again. I sent out a lot of resumes yesterday because I am excited to go back to work, and I am ready. It's okay that I won't go back to therapy for a little while because I am going to dual diagnosis IOP, women's group therapy once per week, and lots of NA and AA Meetings where I am meeting so many awesome, supportive people.

The way that I'm feeling right now-- I always thought to be impossible. I never thought I could feel this healthy. I never even though I was worth feeling this healthy.