Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate
Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you have had so many difficulties in your life.
Are you in therapy and have you seen a psychiatrist for possible medication? It sounds to my nonprofessional ears like you (at least) need to let go of this man. You need to make a decision to move on in your life. To accept that he will never be a part of your life. What is stopping you from letting go of him?
Yes, letting go and truly and finally admitting to yourself that he will never be in your life will hurt tremendously. But if you seek out help for that and work hard at developing coping skills to deal with your pain and depression, and all your health problems, you will eventually get over it and feel okay again.
Life for many of us does not have a "happily ever after ending." Life is unfair. Life is sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and most often simply so - so. For people like me, an perhaps you, that is/was a very difficult thing to accept and be okay with. Just like accepting someone you love dearly and deeply does not feel that way about you and never will. Time will help you heal and you can choose to learn how to live your real life just as it is right now without constantly thinking of him or feeling the loss of him. You just need to seek all the help you can get, be brave and start taking small steps. Like you just did by posting here.  Feel free to PM anytime.
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Wow.. I hope I am doing this right. TY so much for your awesome words! For the first time in a LONG time.. I just cried. You are so right about everything. SO RIGHT. I know this.. I am 45 now..
I KNOW I have to let go of him! You ask me what is stopping me from letting go of him? I ask you that, because that has been the mystery for 8 yrs. I live a pretty great life.. I work on a deep sea fishing charter boat and am a property manager at my complex and when I leave this apt., I am smiling and seemingly normal. It's when I'm stuck in here (off a lot in the winter) that my mind wanders. Truthfully, I guess that is not totally true as I find myself thinking of him staring out at the pacific ocean in Mexico. My mom always, always, said that time heals all wounds and I always did believe it. Until now..
I am legally disabled, although I work, and am not in any active therapy. I take heart meds and pain meds for many years. (used to abuse, not anymore) I can't tell you how awesome it is to JUST talk to someone about this. I am losing my mind with this no sleep deal that has just started in the last 10 days? I'm never, ever asleep, but never really completely awake. Don't drink, but feel like I'm hungover, in a daze. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.
Don't want to get back into sleeping pills as that was not a good ending for me years ago. I have such a tolerance that it takes a lot anyway.
Yes, it was very tough to hear your honest and true words, but I needed to hear that. No one has ever said that because I have never told anyone this really. NOW.. just to figure out how to make it happen. ?? Thanks again.. from the heart of my bottom! K