Perpettuallysad..... you could have been writing about me with your post. I totally get what you are saying because I feel exactly the same way. The few times I have consented to meds they have not been effective and the side effects have been unbearable. Add to that a history of abusing narc drugs and all psych drugs scare me now. I so relate to the constant questions about taking meds like they are the answer to all of our issues. Then articles like this show us again that there is no one size fits all answer. The debate that goes on is crazy making.

I know for me I keep coming back to three things whenever my comfort or confidence in drug treatment gets challenged for whatever reason. Whether it is reading an article like this or observing others in similar circumstances to mine or facing the lack of funds to pay for them. I come back to examining what else I am doing that might improve my condition. It comes down to three things for me.

1. Taking care of myself through diet, exercise and sleep. The better I am able to tend to maintaining consistency in these areas the better off I am on the whole. At my worst they are really hard to tend to but nevertheless they are critical in my view to treating the depression. To maintaining a physcial sense of wellness. I am like you... bipolar but the last few years more down times than up. I have rapid mood swings which can work for and against me sometimes. I will crash following anything that raise my anxiety level. I can wake up sad or not sad for no apparent reason. I can wake up thinking I have the tiger by the tail and then one stressful situation has me crying in a corner. Everyday is an unknow and sometimes I get caught being over protective to avoid anything that will stress me out or make me anxious and inevitably struggle not to cycle down low. Then I am bored and that makes me sad and round and round it goes. Crazy making.

2. Talk therapy. The times when I see a counsellor regularly are the times I am better able to take care of myself and not cycle deeper into the pit. It allows me to challenge the negative thinking patterns and stop the obsessive thinking etc etc. Its all good to have someone to talk to who will listen.

3. Work and relationships. Being engaged and involved in accomplishing something each day no matter how small the accomplishment is. If I sit around and do nothing all day I am much worse off than if I can at least get myself up to wash dishes or make dinner. Maintaining relationships even if it is forcing myself to answer the phone or call someone up to see how they are doing. Getting my mind off of me for a while and being supportive of someone else can be a boost.

While I wait for the magic cure that I don't see being out there yet I guess for me I need to feel like I have some control over the situation depression puts me in. I have to feel like I have a role to play in my own wellness. I guess it is sort of like 'if I do my part then somehow the rest of what I need will find its way to me.' I remember an old prayer.... "God, I will do my part and trust you to do the rest." If I can get myself up every morning and declare my love for myself so that I can do the things that are good for me physcially, emotionally and spiritually then somehow things will work out and get better and better.

Hope for me is powerful medicine with or without other medicines the doc might suggest I try from time to time. I think at the end of the day for me psych meds are a short term aid at best. They may help you sleep, or calm your anxiety or do any number of things to make life more bareable when sell determination can't cut it but from what I have experienced and observed they don't cure anything over the long term. Lifestyle changes and learned response skills are what seem to make the difference over the long term.

I think depression can be managed but I don't really think it can be cured. Maybe it will relapse for a phase but I am 55 and have been dealing with this most of my life. I don't see that changing but I do hold out hope that I can continue to learn to manage its effects better than I have in years gone by. Maybe that will involve drugs to get through the worst times but I think I have lost hope that a drug will level me permanently.