wow this seems like a pretty intense depression googley. im sure you have, but did you tell your T just how serious you are feeling? sometimes they get jaded by all the patients they see and they really need to be TOLD how UPSET you are.

have you thought about going inpatient for a little while? that might help. it helped me, a lot. and now im going back to a different place for a couple of months.

is anything helping?