I just cannot seem to find any sleep and when I lay down my mind just runs. I feel scared and I am feeling something within me just taking control and I cannot seem to stop this feeling. Why is it that in the night is when these feelings seem so strong? And why is it that I cannot just put the brakes on for a few hours?

I cannot explain this feeling but it is something that seems unrelenting. I am so exhausted yet there is no rest. I know I am feeling stress and loss but nothing I have not been having. Thoughts fill my mind and I try to shut them off but they seem to get louder.

Fear is something I feel a lot of right now. I know why and yet I do not know how to stop it. If only I knew what was going on within my heart maybe I could stop it. But it seems to want to stop me. I feel very anxious and like I need to run or go somewhere.

I know I need to just breathe and calm myself yet something inside is anything but calm. A feeling I have had so many times lately. Trying to be in control in a very out of control state. And pulling within quiet trying to keep everyone else from knowing. Why is that?

I do not know if any of this made sense but it is what is on my mind right now. Thank you for listening.

dps