Hey there. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. It's not only hard to deal with rape, but to see someone you really care about go into the arms of danger must cause so much anxiety. I'm sure every rape victim knows what it is like for someone to not believe them. I'm sure for every rape, there is someone that stands up for the attacker.

I have a somewhat similar story, but not quite. My ex-boyfriend who I was with when I was 16-17, was quite abusive to me physically and also raped me many times. There's a long story. But a few years ago I saw on Myspace, that he was dating another girl, (whom I didn't know) but I felt I need to tell her the truth about him. So I e-mailed her. She didn't leave him. She's with the "man" to this day and has a child with him. Even though, my friend told me that he's beaten her in front of her own parents.

When you say the police are "investigating", I'm assuming they're not doing anything. They always tell you they will be investigating after you file a report. However, I think we have to pursue the case ourselves if they don't have enough evidence to convict the attacker on the spot. I know for me, I had to get rid of any evidence, bc it just served as a reminder to something I wanted to completely forget. For me, I only went as far as the police report or the court house waiting room. I don't want to have to tell the story over and over, and even more I don't want to see anyone that ever raped me ever again.

You are strong, and I hope you have the courage to go through the whole deal to put him away. The statistics are that only 6% of all rapists (including unreported) ever see a day in prison. And only 16% of all reported rape attackers are convicted. That's because we find it so hard to talk about or tell anyone. So please let your voice be heard to protect you and your friend. Or maybe one day she'll be filing a report on him herself, and that will be even more voices against him.

Jenna is right, this is terrifying and it takes along time to get back to your normal self. Don't try to rush yourself. You are strong to survive what you survived, you don't have to be the strongest recovering. I know you don't want it to control your life, because you think that will give him the power. But you have the right to work through your feelings, for yourself. I go through the anger outbursts, anxiety, hyper-alertness, sadness, pain, extreme fear, numbing, dissociation, avoidance, etc. cycles at least on a weekly basis if not everyday. I don't really see it as completely different phases. I have all the same feelings I had in the beginning, some have just been more intensified during certain times in my recovery. I'm mostly numb and dissociative now, which I know isn't good, but it's better than feeling like a monster, being so angry and feeling violent. But there will still be times you feel angry and that's okay, it's a human emotion and you have a right to feel so angry about what happened to you. Hopefully, you can use that anger to get you to the court room.