This may sound irrelevant, but it's not...bear with me...lol.
I believe that everyone has a 'trump' card in life. One chance for making a horrible mistake that otherwise wouldn't be made under "normal" conditions. I made that mistake about 25 years ago.

I was in my mid 20's. I met a young man who I found absolutely facinating. I was mesmerized over how "different" he really was. We began a romance. It continued for a few months until he began to show his true traits, which I had no idea were there. By the time I realized that this man was major trouble, I was involved too deep.
It turned out that he was a Manic Depressive/Psychopath (and back then it was not as understood or treated as well as it is today) .
At any rate, his behavior was out of conrol. Apparently he was supposed to be taking Lithium to stabilize his chemical imbalance in brain & extreme mood swings, but he didn't take it. Instead, he used street drugs, which only aggrivated his disorder.
(Back then, I not only had no idea that these disorders even existed, but no way of knowing how to deal with a person seriously suffering from them).
I was working in L.A. at the time (I lived in Nevada), and commuted twice a month that distance. Stayed down there for 2 weeks at a time. i guess he was threatened by my absense...who the hell knows. He was unemployed. The very last time I left for my commute to L.A., he forewarned me that if I leave, I wouldn't have a home to come home to. I disregarded the seriousness of his threat and went anyway.
When I returned I discovered that he followed throught with his threat. He destroyed everything within my home...from the living plants to every appliance, hammer thru t.v., stereo completely smashed, furniture ripped apart with cushion filling everywhere, used motor oil poured all over my entire wardrobe which was covering the entire house floors mixed in with the uprooted plant soil, walls demolished (various tools, knives...whatever he could manage to pierce the walls with..he used). He decapitated my cat's head, left the remains for me to find among the disaster on the floor, all dishes broken, front of stove ripped off of hinges, food out of cupboards and refridgerator..destroyed and disbursed throughout, inside of fridge destroyed, photo albums & cherished pictures on walls burned in the middle of the room. What he could no longer destroy inside the house he took outside to finish off on my front lawn.
You name it, he destroyed it.

Well, needless to say....I snapped. (Although, I hadn't realized I had at that time as it was so subtle). I calmly left the house. Closed the door and locked it (lol...what the hell for, I'll never know as there was nothing to steal...but shows where my mind was at..or NOT at). I got into my car and began searching for this man. I found him walking down the street, heading toward the direction of my home, and without giving it a second thought....I sped up in his direction and ran him over, proceeded a few feet then stopped.
What surprised me was, as I looked in my rear view mirror I saw him standing back up and begin to chase me. This man was....insane.
I proceeded to the police department. Reported what had happened. I was not charged for anything. They say that I acted out of self defense and simply wasn't in my "right" frame of mind....guess that measns I must have been in my "left" one, then.
He was arrested and convicted for several other charges (from his past which I had no idea about).
Turns out...many years later that he was charged for murder of a man. Beat him to death with a baseball bat (over a drug deal gone bad). Sentenced to death.

So, yes, I HAVE discovered that I, too, have a dark side that I never had any idea existed. That rage within me offered me a sense of power that I NEVER knew was in me. And although it was one hell of a rush and I know it exists within me, I hope to God that I never have to experience that again.

Shangrala