come out of a really hard and dissociative time and as you're coming out, realize just how badly you were doing and didn't know it? i've done that many times and it scares me.

for instance, i'm just coming out of a BAD time. now that i'm coming around, when i look back it's shocking to see that didn't know it just HOW badly i was doing. i've done that many times before as well.

i've learned enough in t to know that i was pretty dissociated alot, and that i was feeling alot of pain, pulling away because of pain and fear, etc. but i had no clue just how badly i was doing. i think all resources are drawn inside to protect from further pain and hurt, but also to aid in getting me/us past this time. i used to call that "meltdowns". i used to go to bed for days to "restore" my depleted resources.

i am doing better now. i am "back". it was very hard and i know that i haven't been my usual self here and in my life, but it was taking all of our energies to maintain from one hour to the next.

can you relate?

kd