Pleased to meet you too September Morn. Are you fond of September?
I quite like September but I could do without November when it's dark
at five o'clock and pretty much dark all day over here in deep dark wales. It's darker the further up north you go isn't it? I know that there is a strong relationship between the amount of light and the amount of depression in different countries.
I feel sorry for the people who have to live with almost 24 hour darkness at some point in the year. Can you imagine?!?

Anyway thankyou for replying to my mail yesterday. I was feeling so negative, I was convinced no-one would reply.
And you are right when I am feeling like that I really can't see anything positive. That's where it helps to have some positivity from someone else, I feel. I do feel like alienating myself from these friends quite frequently and there are a lot of occassions when I do to a certain extent but then there are other times when I really do enjoy their company and feel lucky to have such longstanding relationships.

I was friends with these girls from a very young age and then I went to a different high school and left them behind. Unfortunately for me, I made friends with a group of people who bullied me for four years at my new high school. I subsequently left this school and returned to the high school my old friends were attending. Because I was completely withdrawn I couldn't get along with my old friends and hung out with
other people but I did eventually form friendships with my very first friends again in college. (Hope that's not too confusing).

I still feel very uncomfortable on occassion when we socialise as a group. I think this goes back to my days of being bullied. I get on with each of the girls so much better on a one-to-one basis.

I was put on lithium and anti-depressants when I was in hospital.
I felt strongly against taking lithium, it seemed so powerful and dangerous to me. If I remember correctly though it was a condition of my release. I took it for a short while and then stopped taking the lithium of my own accord but I continued taking the anti-depressants. However these didn't work for me and I eventually discontinued them on that basis. I have tried other anti-depressants since and these haven't worked either. I could go into much greater detail here but I think I've
blathered on enough for the moment!

In short, I feel medication has done little to help my case and if anything, I feel has made my problems worse.
I actually think that the reason I ended up in hospital with a manic episode had a hell of a lot to do with the fact that I was withdrawing from Seroxat at the time.

I hope that hasn't been too much to take in at once.
Thanks again, i hope I can be of help to you in future too

goggles x