thank you all so much for your replies - it helps so so so much.

the blanket/air bed/sleeping bag idea is a good one, but i just don't know how to do it without offending my parents, yknow? i am ordering the bed tomorrow, and they said 5 days to get delivered (just the mattress). so i was thinking of just the mattress, but it still means about an extra week left. the problem is that i haven't moved anything else (only got the keys last night, had other stuff to attend to today) so it doesnt make sense to sleep over their while im packing up here. i haven't even started packing yet.

i can do it if it just stays at this level, but something my sister said makes me really scared it might escalate. if it escalates i'll get out. i have a sleeping bag and a bunch of blankets i can use.

tree - thank you for making me lol about being a star of a movie (what a nightmare !!!). i see austin-t tomorrow, and then i'm back to work until late next week, so i can't really see pdoc even if i wanted to. i'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to open up a little bit with austin-t, who i know has been patiently waiting. if i had easy access to pdoc i would continue to avoid talking to austin-t about it, but i know he could help me heaps if i let him. it's just scary and yucky, and i dont know if i can cope with disclosure right now on top of everything else.

i'm not back on meds - pdoc said to try without them and i think it's a good idea. i'm not getting depressed just yet - it's more just stress and anxiety, and i keep telling myself that this will pass soon enough. i know if this drags out to a month i will need to go back on them because i will get depressed if i keep at it like this, but if it's only a week or two more then maybe i can do it. if i do start getting badly depressed i'll go back on them. but it's been so long that i've been med-free that it's nice to trade it like this.

everything really does just feel like too much at once. moving is stressful, uni is stressful, i'm upset about getting the bigger room and don't want to live there anymore, and emotionally - what all of this moving out stuff means - that's all whirling in there too. i wish i had someone to talk about it with, but that means being more vulnerable than i can bear. even with pdoc - i can't do it.

maybe if i try to move all my 'stuff' on the weekend then i've got a good excuse to sleep over; can say i have to go there directly after work and i'm too tired to travel home after packing or something.

just - again - thank you so much, everyone, for being so supportive with this. you guys are the only reason i'm still floating right now.