Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
The truth is, and I dont know if its just the truth or and excuse I am telling myself, is that I was never taught how to live. I was never taught how to support myself, be responsible, how to handle finances or money I made..... I was never taught that the money that comes in has to equal what is spent. I was never taught that loans, even as a student, should be re-paid without deferments, I was just let loose in this world and left to my own devices. And this is what happened.
I dont know if I am just making excuses and I have to now pay No one did and I am suffering the consequences of that today.
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((((((((((((((Blue Moon)))))))))))))))))))
To me it sounds like you are being too hard on yoursef.
You are not making excuses.....what you are experiencing now with your financial situation is one more consequence of the abuse you suffered.
No one can be expected to do things properly until they have been taught hw to do them. Think of your children....would you expect them to recite their 'ABC's' without teaching them first? It really isn't any different.
But I totally understand the feeling of regret....of wanting more than anything to go back in time and do things differently. I sooooooooo get this. It's an awful feeling.
Try to stay in the present moment, if you can, and be PROUD of how well you are taking care of things now. You are being very brave, and it seems to me this is part of your recovery and healing.