I only worked at a regular traditional job from May 2006 - August 2006. Due to my mental health (PTSD, Dissociation, Major Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Phobias) I don't think I would be able to work, if ever. (Not only bc of my own mental health, but also because I've never been able to trust anyone with my son. I've never had a babysitter for him. I know what people can do to kids and I don't want my son to be hurt!) However, since I have a baby and my husband is in prison, and I have no one to really help support me (my mom has sent me some money lately, but not much, and I don't know whenever she'll be able to help me), I have seriously thought about trying to get a job. I actually have applications filed out that I have not returned. My husband is the main person (or ONLY person, really) on me to get a job. Since the home I am living in (thankfully it is my father's old house & it's under his name) may very well soon be foreclosed, I am reluctant to get a job in this area, since I can't drive. There are no buses or any public transportation what-so-ever that comes through here.

I have been trying since May 2009 to get Public Housing/Section 8 in the city, where there is a bus. The first appointment I was given was in August. Unfortunately, My son and I had gone to New York to visit my mother from early August to late September and I didn't even find out about this appointment until weeks later. Luckily, they gave me a second chance. Soon after we came back, I received a letter for a second and final appointment. I found a ride and got the directions. It was over 20 miles away. Unfortunately, my driver was late to get to my house and got lost driving me there and it ended up taking us 1 1/2- 2 hours to get there. I was very late. The women that at least did give me an interview was very irritated with me already. I was very tired, it was hours earlier than I usually get up and I got up early to get me and my son ready. I forgot two papers. She was very angry with me...Then she asked me who the father of my son is . (My son is a product of rape). I told her, I didn't know. She was said "WHAT? You don't know who the father of your child is?!?! How could you not know who the father of your child is?!?!?!" I just kept telling her I don't know. Why did I HAVE to tell her? I didn't know her. She doesn't need to know everything about my personal life! Well she got soooo... irritated. Several times she asked me if this was important to me and she kept shaking her head in disapproval after so many things I told her. Yes it is sooo important to me, I'm scared my son won't have a place to sleep. I told her I only knew the name he told me was his name, but I'm sure it's not his real name. She asked what it was. I told her and started panicking, but tried to hold it together for the interview. Well, after that she told me I needed to bring back 2 papers, plus a letter from the man that raped me to say he doesn't give me child support. There was no way, I going to try to contact that man...

Until recently, I kept getting letters from child support services asking about details of this man, so they could collect child support. I don't want his money. I don't want anything to do with him. I him to stay completely out of my life. Also, I don't want any proof or acknowledgment that my son has his blood. That is why I couldn't continue with the whole investigation with the police. Also, he is mine and my husband's son, no one else's.

Well, I wasn't able to get another ride back there. So I mailed in the papers. And then a while later, I got a letter saying my application was disqualified because I failed to provide all the right paperwork. It said I could send them a letter to ask for another interview if I felt that was a wrong decision. I did, but I never heard anything back from them.

Just about a week or two ago, I finally got some more ink, so I could print out another application. I filled it out and mailed it. I figure it will be at least four months again before I'll get another appointment. And then even longer after that before they find us a place. Now, I may only have a month left here and I have no where to go. I'll be completely honest, I have about $300 in the bank. And in April, I may have to start paying back student loans, from the online college I started, but couldn't finish because of my mental health issues. Ironically in the social work field. At least, I have 12 credits to show for it. And have been able to live off the grant money for a while.

I don't know what to do now. I looked at disability insurance, but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get any, since I've only had a traditional job a few months of my life. I did babysitting and house cleaning, besides that job. I feel so stuck. Even if I get a place with public housing, I'm not sure how I'll get over my fear and trust issues. What else can I do?