sorry, poppet, my wording kind of sucks at the moment. too tired to know if it's coming out properly. i meant more like...
1) it sounds like you are struggling at the moment (hence the reason for looking at more meds).
2) you have decided to not take more meds.
3) ergo, you will continue to struggle - unless you have another alternative you would like to pursue.

you just said something about it not being your destiny to be on meds, so i was wondering if that meant not being on meds(and being happy) or not being on meds(and continuing to struggle because you'd prefer to struggle than be on meds).

for what it's worth, i've been on up to 6 different meds at one point, and that was what was required for me to keep functioning. i've already mentioned how i got toxic on a tiny dose of lithium, but the 6-drug-cocktail didn't turn me into a zombie at all. in fact, it was the first time i even passed uni subjects and started getting prizes (after 2 years of straight fails).

maybe i should just stick to sending safe hugs at the moment, my brain really is frazzled and i don't want to unintentionally hurt anyone. i'm sorry i was a poo-brain.