I'm posting a letter i wrote to a dear friend of mine.... feels important to reach out more...

wah! i need a rant session. move is supposed to be SUPER and GREAT and WONDERFUL - those are everyone else's words to me when I tell them. And I am slipping back into the abused mindset of "maybe it wasn't THAT bad..."
There are things that are REALLY sucky. and maybe I am too focused on those. and maybe I am not seeing the forest for the trees, and maybe... blah. It is like I am not allowed to be REAL while I am finally getting out of the bad situation. Am i allowed to HATE it here? Is it normal to hate the ride out of hell?
Nothing works, everything is dirty, smokey (i'm allergic), there are fruit flies everywhere and remnats of millers in all the cubbards, there is little IRL real time support for me. I am depressed but "soldering on". I hate it and remember i hated it at home too. Today i learned that there is only luke-warm water in the shower. I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!! and yet... i hated home.
I'm confused and having a pity party. I feel like I'm not allowed to think this way and have these feelings since everyone worked so hard to get me out of hell. And when I am around my mom (i had to shower over there) i remember why I am enduring a different type of hell. But as soon as i get back to this hell..... the grass is always greener.
@_@ i dunno.