I have a great deal of rage that can come up when I am threatened or manic. I hurt another child very badly during one of these moments when I was five. My intent was to cause serious damage. I remember the whole thing.
Was it excusable? NO. did anyone try to understand why I developed that rage in the first place? Absolutely not. Did anyone take seriously that a child can feel humiliation and emotional pain so deeply? Are you kidding?
I was highly allergic to animals a a child, and I didn't even have a fish as a pet. I collected bugs and other little beasties out in the yard, made little homes for them in boxes, and called them my pets. My brother and his friend got bored one day, and got creative. My brother held me so I could neither interfere or run away and made me watch while his friend poured salt on my snails.
When they let me go, I went back to the house, got my mom's garndening tool with the long spikes, calmly returned and let the friend have it in the head twice before he
could get away (he was five years older than I).
It's scary even writing it. I remember my mother telling me the kid should have gotten a medal for killing the snails. What no one seemd to care about was that this was a very sadistic thing to do in the first place, whether it was snails or rats or puppies. The intent was pretty danged bad. I remembered thinking that there wasn't any point going to an adult anyway. They would just tell me that no one was actually hurt.
Don't worry, I get really mad still but I haven't been chasing anyone around with gardening tools lately, or cooking implements, or brooms, or even a vacuum cleaner
But I do know there is a very dangerous shadow there, and it starts to stir if I feel like something I love is threatened.