I posted a few days ago about being angry with my T when he didn't react to my manic state as positively as I'd have hoped. Turns out he was just being cautious and caring because he knew what I couldn't quite get my head around at that time: that I would come down from that high and start to feel pretty bad again. It's a different kind of bad from the bad of a deep depression; I'm not thinking of suicide, I still have hope for the future, I am longing for connections with others and wanting to be a part of the world again, etc. But I'm having a LOT of anxiety, some crying spells, and so on, and up until last night I'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping too. My pdoc gave me some Abilify which is pretty much knocking me out, and I think it is helping with the anxiety a little, too, but honestly most of my troubles at the moment are beyond the help of medication, because they are directly related to a break-up that I'm going through, which I badly regret initiating.

My T has always encouraged me to email him when there is something that I need to get off my chest. He rarely responds, and when he does, it's nothing substantive. That's annoying but it's just how he works, and I've come to accept it. He also lets me call him when I really need to talk, and he always returns phone calls within a few hours. Here's the thing. I've been emailing/calling him SO MUCH through the break-up, the mania, and the medication adjustments of the last couple of weeks. I already emailed him once today, and I think I emailed him twice yesterday (even though I had a session, too). And now...I want to email him again. Actually, I want to call him. Because I am REALLY freaking out, just totally overwhelmed with sadness and pain and uncertainty about the future with my ex, and it's just unbearable. I just need to hear his voice and have him tell me that I'll be okay. What do you all think? I feel like I need him so much right now