tree, you've gotten so many excellent responses and suggestions in this thread. I identify with the shame issues too. I feel so much shame for the way I was as a child, even though nothing was my fault. It's not even relating to abuse so much, just shame for being me and acting in ways that seem weird.

I can only tell you to trust yourself and trust your T. He won't let you go where you don't want to. You don't have to let yourself either. You can always stop. It's up to you, not your T.