I'm sorry, but one day, you'll seriously regret ever starting this. I SERIOUSLY urge you to QUIT doing this ASAP. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into. Hell, all you have to do is read every other post in here. The pain you go through, the turmoil, the anger, the surpressing, the sadness...

If you think this is going to consistently make you feel better than I hate to break it to you - it won't. You're only digging your hole deeper.

Tell your therapist, and good luck to you.