i saw austin-t today. we talked a lot, but nothing really to do with the big stuff that is eating at me. we did talk about coping and my SI though. that was kind of ick - he wanted details - and we argued a bit about whether it is ok or not. we did talk about ways to cope and stuff though. i know it's a good session to have, just bad timing when i had more urgent stuff to talk about. i really know he tries his best with me though.

the stuff at home aint going great. i really feel like ***** being here. i finally caved and sent pdoc a txt asking if i could see him, but it means i'll have to take time off work. i hope he responds soon so i can call my boss and let her know. i know pdoc cant make anything better, but i really just want to sit with someone now and he's a good person to sit with. i feel slack for using his time up like that though.

im not really keeping it together. i'm fine when im with other ppl but i cant do this anymore. im panicking and im no good when im like this, because all the good advice i get just falls to the side. im falling apart. i cant do this.