oh wow, you've been through a lot of life changes in the past year. a baby and the death of a father... that's enough to drive anyone a little bit nutty.

this sounds dumb, but are you seeing someone? like a T or P? sometimes just having someone "not in the drama" to talk to to have a 3rd person view. this site works like that as well... there's a ton of people to talk to and a ton of people who will give you some incredible advice or just be a really good listener.

there are other alternatives to meds, and there are alternatives to the meds you had taken that made you feel numb. i can totally understand why you would want to be alive and aware while your children grow up... that's what motherhood is about, i suppose. take it step by step. heading back into the "dark place" is scary, especially when you can see it happening ahead of you.

please keep me updated on how you do, ok? and again, congratulations on the baby!! and i am so sorry for your loss.