HI I DONT KNOW IF ANY OF YALL KNOW ME BUT IM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY...YOU SEE ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO I WENT TO MY SISTERS HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING AND I SPENT THE NIGHT.WELL HER B-FRIEND STAYED THERE ALSO BUT I DIDNT THINK ANYTHING OF IT, UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING WHEN SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK AND I WOKE UP WITH HIM HOLDING A PILLOW OVER MY HEAD AND A KNIFE TO MY THROAT TELLING ME HE WOULDNT HURT ME IF I JUST LET HIM DO HIS THING. I FOUGHT I REALLY DID BUT IT WASNT HARD ENOUGH I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT HARDER OR LONGER OR TRIED TO SCREAM OR SOMETHING BUT I WAS SCARED, SO I GAVE IN AND LET HIM DO HIS THING AND AFTER WORDS HE GOT OFF ME AND LEFT. SO I WENT AND TOOK A SHOWER AND KEPT IT A SECRET FOR ALMOST FOUR OR FIVE MIONTHS NOT REAL SURE WHEN I FINALLY TOLD MY MOM I WAS PREGNANT BY THE S.O.B.
ANYWAY THAT WAS ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO AND I HAVE A GREAT 9 YR OLD DAUGHTER WHO IS MY LIFE LINE BUT IM NOT GOING TO LIE TO ANYONE ITS HARD ITS REALLY HARD KNOWING WHERE SHE CAME FROM BUT WHATS A MOM SUPPOSE TO DO? I HAVE FINALLY TOLD HER WHAT HER SPERM DONOR HAS DONE TO ME AND HOW HE TOOK MY LIFE AWAY FROM ME BUT MY QUESTION IS HOW DO YOU TAKE IT BACK? I WANT MY LIFE BACK I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND FEAR FREE I DONT WANT TO BE A VICTIM ANYMORE I WANT TO BE A SURVIVOR, BUT IM SCARED, I NEVER PRESSED CHARGES ON HIM BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NOT FIGHTING HARD ENOUGH THEY WOULD HAVE SAID I WANTED IT BUT I DIDNT, SO TO THIS DAY IVE BEEN SILENCED BY THIS SO CALLED MAN..HE STILL HAS POWER OVER ME AND STILL MAKES ME FEEL UNSAFE IN MY OWN HOME. IVE TRIED GETTING HELP BUT THE PEOPLE IVE GONE TO WAS MORE INTERESTED IN MY CHILDHOOD THAN THE RAPE SO I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WRONG. ANY THOUGHTS WOULD BE GREAT SORRY SUCH A LONG POST....I JUST NEEDED TO VENT BECAUSE IM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY.