So sorry you're feeling bad ((BNLsMOM)). I agree with everyone's advice - I think you're very over whelmed and you seem to be on top of making sure your meds are right. I think your thoughts are fleeting thoughts as opposed to real intentions(I hope). Make sure you tell your therapist. Do you have any symptoms of OCD? Just remember they're only thoughts and not real desires. Don't be alarmed and just let it come and they will go away. Of course you know, you should call someone if you feel in danger.

Regarding your son - what does the school say is his learning problem? Have you heard about fish oil supplements which are good for kids who have ADD - but it also good for anyone and can help with concentration. You did the right thing in taking a break and it's very important that you tend to your own needs and not just your childrens. I hope you feel better soon. Try and take some slow deep breaths.