my T called me back finally last night, but I was asleep and missed the call. I woke up a bit later and listened to her voice mail, and then stupidly deleted it so I couldn't listen to it again this morning when I was properly awake.

I remember the content of her message but I'd like to listen again to see if her tone is as harsh as I remember it being. I feel like she is just reacting to my actions at this point and it's escalating, she seems to be reacting instead of responding. She's not showing any concern or interest in ME, just responded to one part of my message I had left her and ignored the rest of it, just like she did with the previous voicemail I left her.

I feel like I keep reaching out to her and we keep not connecting. I guess it's good that she called me back at all, right?

I'm just feeling so sad and alone this morning. There are workmen in the hall outside my apt making a lot of noise and that is very triggering to me. I feel so alone, like I have lost my "safe person" (as tree would say ). T was/is the first person I have had ever in my life that validated how I felt and responded and made me feel like some of my PTSD issues weren't just me being crazy, that it's understandable given my history. Now I feel like I've lost that so I'm sad on top of being triggered.

I keep telling myself not to call her again, to give her some time to have some space, to wait and let it rest until my session on Tues but I feel so alone and scared and more than anything I want to know what I did to cause this.