.........is that it exists even if we are not aware of it. It exists even when we desperately ignore it........I, for one, have felt in the last 3 weeks or so, that I did not deserve it. That I did not deserve joy, nor had the energy to practice it. That I have, for the last 3 weeks, been walking around like a lost soul without direction and crippled by sadness. And despite my emotional and mental absence, I have held all of you in my heart.

And so I say to myself, well isn't that akin to joy? That even if I could not reach out to anyone, that even if I suffered a sort of mutism and deep despair, I still held on without knowing it? Ah, very sneaky thing, that Joy.

That even as I wondered if I could go on, I unconsciously recalled certain words and stories and fights for freedom that I have had the privilege of reading........and feeling on PC. That even in our darkest hours and days, I have stored those battles of self, and seen over-comings of personal demons, and great courage when all that could be expressed was great fear.

So, that is my joy.......when joy could not be found. All of you here, have inadvertently and without knowing, through your great courage and overcoming, provided me with the joy and deep humility I so needed. We fall.....and we get up......and we fall and we get up again.......

Thank you, to everyone here........for being such wonderful, courageous, loving and warm human beings.......EVEN when it is dark, unloving, terrifying and deeply sad.

I salute you all.......and hold you all gently in the circle of my arms.......and thank you.......for holding me in yours.

In stillness,

Michah

(Acknowledgement of those that I know and care for who have suffered tragedy recently.......you are never far from my thoughts.)