Thanks you guys for taking the time to read this. I am feeling very insignificant right now, so your caring is very validating to me.

Another thing that really bothers me is that whenever someone is having a problem, it is always suggested that they call their t or pdoc. My t is my pdoc, but either way, its never really been an option that I call him. He's never said I should do this if I need him and the very few times I've called the return calls from him have been very, very brief and very distant feeling, so whatever problem I'm having is, for me, not even addressed. I honestly don't know what to do. The thought of losing my t/pdoc is absolutely TERRIFYING to me. But I feel like I am not getting what I need from him, and sadly, until I joined this board, I didn't even know I deserved more time than I was getting. oh I am so very upset right now and I cannot even fathom what I will talk to him about tomorrow. I am fairly sure I will not have the courage to say a thing about needing to see him more. Its just not in me. I already feel I am not worth his time as it is. It seems like it must be obvious to him that I need more help than I am getting, but he clearly has no desire to provide it.