I am so sorry for your situation. As scary as it is, you must be honest with your doc. His not calling you back concerns me but maybe he doesn't yet understand the severity of your problem. You have got to make him understand. You deserve to have a doc who knows all your dark secrets so he can help you to the best of his ability and as often as it takes. Please continue to be open here as much as you feel you can too. We of all people will understand. Don't try to handle this all on your own. The illness is not your fault and surviving it alone is probably just not do-able. Keep in touch. We are all rooting for you!