Hi

Sex...religion...a volatile mixture and often taboo in our society to even discuss. Put them together, mix in a little OCD and you have Scrupulosity - a disorder in which the afflicted individual is constantly afraid of sexually sinning and being severely punished by God. No masturbation, no sex, no sexual fantasies, etc. The bottom line is that sex out of wedlock, masturbation, kinky sex or sex with anyone (or anything) else other than a female whom you are married to is strictly forbidden and even then, sex must be carried out in the dark, missionary position only and it must not take more than a few quick thrusts to complete the dirty task. Oral sex, fondling, petting, kissing, the use of "toys", etc is strictly fobidden. Those who are unmarried are therefore forced to live a life of celebacy. They might as well be priests or eunuchs.

This is the life I have lived for months now. Many months. I have lot of mental problems (Tourette's, Depression, Anxiety, ADD, etc) and am extremely awkward around other people. Actually, I am TERRIFIED of other people - even my own relatives. Doing without sex for months has driven me to the brink of insanity. I am getting desparate. Sex appears in my dreams, nightmares and daily fantasies and yet I know I must not have sex of any kind. I'm going nuts.

And I DO believe God punishes people who have un-Christian sex because every time I have disobeyed my religion and "played around" a little bit, something bad has happened to me and I mean REALLY bad. For example, I had sex one day and a few days later, I practically sliced my finger off and had to go through weeks of surgery, therapy, etc. Then I had sex again and the next morning I woke up and had a severe case of vertigo. It never fails and I could provide countless other examples of times I have had sex and been severely punished by God (or so it seemed). At first, I was sure it was just a coincidence but I no longer feel that way because it never fails...have sex...something bad happens..every time!.

Right now, I have a beautiful (and very clean) girlfriend who is willing to do almost anything (within reason of course) and she is the REAL thing (not some cheap ***** or something) but yet I've repeatedly had to forcibly remove her hand from my pant's to prevent any "evilness" from taking place - even though I was going nuts wanting to engage her!. She has had every test, is very faithful, has proven to me her entire background, I've met all of her relatives, etc. She is hiding nothing from me but she is not ready for marriage yet (for legitimate reasons) and yet I can't even kiss her???.

Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I might as well cut off my "stuff" down there because it has become useless to me. I feel like I have been put in a straight-jacket. I even went to a prominant Christian site and explained my problem to them and they banned me!!. Oh my gosh...I must be the dirtiest person on earth or something!!!.

Anyone else going through this?. I have been diagnosed with OCD and all the other "mental" stuff so maybe it's just the OCD playing on my mind or maybe it's really God punishing me for every little thing (it sure seems like it!!). When I was younger (I'm 43 now) I used to be a regular "stud" and could have SAFE sex any time I wanted it, masturbated frequently, used toys, etc. Bottom line is that if I wanted ANY type of sex, I could have it 24/7. Have I become a prude?...a Luddite??. What is going on with my depressing life???. Would it be a "Sin" to even walk around naked or even scantily clothed in the same house with this woman as long as no "naughty stuff" was taking place?. I'm just asking.

Just looking for answers and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.

- Regards, GreyGoose