I have been given several different diagnoses since the time I was around 12. It started with migraines, which I was medicated for. I was experiencing moderate OCD around this time and bouts of depression as well. Then when I was around 15 I began having "episodes" and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and OCD as well as Narcissitic tendencies. I was heavily medicated throughout my teenage years. Around 18 I had a bad reaction to a new med and stopped taking them and seeing my psychiatrist. I started becoming more and more socially phobic around this age. When I was 21 I started experiencing severe OCD and panic attacks and went back to a new doctor and was put on meds again, to which I had a similar reaction as the first time, only this time I thought I was having seizures. I started seeing a new psychiatrist who changed my meds and had me go through testing for epilepsy. She diagnosed me as Borderline and Schizotypal. I continued to struggle with the new meds, only this time in the scariest way possible, and once again stopped taking them and quit seeing that psychiatrist as well.

All in all I have not had the best time finding what I would consider a competent psychiatrist and therefor don't really want to start seeing one again. I am now almost 25, married with a 7 month old son, and feel more "sane" and in control than I ever have. However, I still struggle every day. Some days are better than others, and I'm wondering if it is possible to have DID and not know that you have it? I was reading on other forums, stories of women who didn't know they were DID until their 30's, 40's, even 50's.... which seems nearly impossible for such a severe disorder. I know only what my research has shown me about DID, but I do know that it is possible to experience co-consciousness with your alters, and also to integrate your alters. I wonder if it is possible to have an integrated DID experience after very little time actually losing time.

I have experienced watching my body go through these episodes as if removed throughout my life, although not always. I developed tools to help me keep from "losing it" while learning all I could about basically every disorder on the previous list, and then some, throughout the years. I focus on patterns or objects around me and essentially try to shut out all of the "voices" that take off in those moments. I read that this is actually a tool to keep from switching when you have DID.

I am not aware of any trauma that I may have experienced, however, I have exhibited strange sexual behaviors since I was an infant, and my mother has told me that my aunt used to babysit me when I was very young and that she would have her boyfriends over a lot. So at the very least I witnessed sex very young. I also have an uncle who is currently serving 16 years for child molestation, but it was all on cases against young boys, so I don't think it would have been him.

I also wonder, if you have DID, do you hear actual "voices". Do your alters all have names, and how do they get those names. Do you see images of them?

Sorry if this was too long. I hope to hear back from you all, because I still feel so confused and feel strangely comforted at the thought that if it is possible to be DID, not know it, and be integrated through most of it, that it might actually offer me a closer answer to what is really going on with me. But I can't really know that until talking with people who have been officially diagnosed and hearing their stories and opinions. Thank you.