AShadow, your story is truly incredible. I cannot imagine all of the pain that you have been through, and it completely makes sense that you would be so angry and not want to be reminded of the event. Honestly, if you didn't have that anger, I would almost be worried. I seriously hope that this man is caught, so that he cannot do this to anyone else. He needs to be locked up for a long time. And I hope that they find him and free the other girl that you say he had with him.

Even with all of the pain that you have been through, it is beautiful that you wanted to keep your baby and give him love and take care of him. I have no idea what that must be like to have a baby from someone who raped you and held you captive for several years. I can understand why you would want to forget about this event, and why you would feel like your life is meaningless, but maybe a therapist can help you to work through all of this and find some meaning in your life. I really hope you find a good therapist and get the help that you need, because I really think that you can get through this, and maybe someday you will be able to help other women who have been in this type of situation. I'm sure you would have a lot to offer to others. I hope that you find the support you need here at PC.