Not to sound harsh, but I dont think you trust yourself. You state that you feel you can trust no one, but yet as a married woman, you have reached out to another man looking for something that he couldnt give you. I think as I get older that no matter how often I am hurt by someone I can trust. I have learned to not blindly trust someone, but to never trust someone again would be a life of misery, failed relationships and despair. I hope you find the peace you desire.