Hi ps,

I just logged onto PC & saw that you PMed me, so I responded without reading this thread first . (Sorry!)

I really think that you were feeling so much anxiety b/c you were/are ANGRY & you are uncomfortable with that emotion. Maybe you feel guilty about feeling that way towards your doctor, or you're afraid to express it b/c he seems to be the only available T/Pdoc. Or maybe you feel too unworthy to feel like you have the right to feel angry. But you DO have that right. If you have an illness & you need to see a doctor for it & you can't, it's frustrating as hell! I don't know what your situation is, but I understand how tough it is when you can't even see a T like everyone else on this site seems to (b/c I can't, either). And I'm ANGRY about it! It isn't fair! I am also angry that I've seemingly been on every medication ever manufactured to no avail (you've mentioned something similar) & I'm pissed off about that, too! You have the right to be angry about that as well. We all do! Of course you were overwhelmed with all of those feelings & are now exhausted! It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you; it means you're a human being & entitled to your feelings. So feel them. Anger turned inwards = Depression/Anxiety.

Now that you may have a clearer understanding of what might have led up to your feeling like you were going to have a panic attack or lose it, you will understand that you aren't going crazy & are just denying yourself the right to feel what you do & be human. Love yourself & allow yourself to feel whatever you do. Write it down, draw a picture, exercise- get it out in a tangible form.

I wish I knew the answer to the other problems- finding effective treatment with both a regular T & medication. But this is all I can offer. I hope it helps. Gravyyy had some good ideas that I hope will be helpful to you.

Please keep us "posted" & I hope you're feeling better after a good night's sleep.
Sending big hugs