My T and me have been working on the old issue of my old T who was unethical with me. We did some EMDR on my anger and the thoughts and clarity of things that surfaced from that situation, really makes me feel creeped out.

I have over the last couple of years really only talked about the stuff that was clearly past the boundaries. the stuff that hurt me the most. But now I have been talking more about the relationship, things that didn't really bother me that much. But my T is showing me that some of this stuff, that felt good to me, was not all that ethical either. It went past boundaries. But now when I look at the things he did that I thought he was just being nice, it seems like he was manipulating me emotionally. I was well aware of him gradually trying to become sexual with me, but I didn't see the emotional component that started happening way before the sexual stuff.
It makes me feel dirty.
For instance he told me that he knew me better than anyone else. Even though my husband and I were having problems, it didn't mean he knew me better than my husband. He told me I was a lot like him, opaque with showing emotions. He said I was odd just like him. He told me I need to find a boy toy to make my husband jealous so he would have sex with me. He told me finding a married man would be someone better to have an affair with since we would both have someone we would have to go home to and not have one person on the sidelines alone wanting more. It goes on and on.

There is so much more to this than I thought. Now I am talking about all the relationship that happened and my T is horrified. I never talked about some of it because to me he was just being nice to me. But when one would look at the whole picture, it is easy to see I was being manipulated emotionally too. It is like too much reality for me to take in right now, I just want to hide away in a cave.

What is hard to accept is that I was so naive and stupid to not see his behavior for what he was trying to do. I do want to not believe what I am thinking right now about him, was he really that much of a creep?