Blue, I think she would remember if you saw her for 4 years. But even if she didn't, you could still send her a note. Or if you can't find her, you could help get some closure by writing her a letter and saying what you want to say, but just not send it.

When I was 17-18 or so, I saw a psychiatrist for a while, almost accidentally (long story), and I too left abruptly, without a word or look back. He was a good man, and I became angry at him for something (a fairly major thing, I realize now), and didn't even know I was angry or how to express it, or couldn't face expressing it, or something (anger problems and I date back decades). My solution was to leave, so I wouldn't have to face that. Three years ago, when I began therapy with my current T--also a good man--I had lots of memories coming up of this former psychiatrist from my youth. I had not thought about him for decades. I felt like he stood there in therapy with us, like a shadow in the corner, listening and watching. So this was one of the first things we worked on in therapy--getting closure with my leaving this relationship. We talked about him and our relationship, and its unique basis and why I was angry. I had never worked all this out for myself as a young woman. My T thought I was sad about leaving and never saying good-bye and never getting closure, but he perceived that because I felt so good about him, that I couldn't properly grieve in therapy. So he had me do an out of therapy assignment, which was to write letter to my former psychiatrist, telling him what I wanted him to know and what I hadn't had a chance to say because I left him so suddenly. Outside of the presence of my T, I was able to write this letter and grieve. Writing the letter did help me, even though it was never sent.

Blue, I wonder if your situation is at all like mine--do you think you are having memories and thoughts now of this therapist from your past because your current relationship with the new T is reminiscent?