There is nothing pathetic about it PS. My inlaws are far worse, and it is basically from holding all the childhood anger and fear and hate inside all the while denying it exists. you at least are aware of it and doing something about it. remember, too, you have taken many years to get this way; it won't get straightened out quickly.
We are all affected by our childhood to one degree or the other. I turned anger in ward for many years, and it took a while to really acknowledge that I was mad before it carried me off and exploded.
You might want to try just looking in the mirror and saying, I'm not afraid, I'm not sad. I AM ¤%&/ ENRAGED; ANGRY ; PISSED OFF. You were anxious and angry at the pdoc, and you didn't explode, nothing terrible happened, it was just a draining visit. You can be angry without terrible things happening. Try acknowledging it enough so that the sound of it is no longer frightening. It might help, if you feel safe doing it. Huggs dear, and please don't call yourself pathetic. You're not.HUGGS again.