((((laura2))))

Thank you for posting. For me I felt that that was love and I deserved it. As a child love meant hurt and I was always told I was bad. Also being with someone for me was better than being all alone even if it was not good. Sometimes we felt the presence of someone might keep us safe, even if the truth is it is not.

Also, I never wanted to be like my mother who was married 5 times and so I determined in my heart that when and if I got married I would not leave. I also did not want my children to go through that. And to the outside world everything looked normal. No one knew except just a few.

We also were involved in the church and it was not right to leave. So no matter what you did not go. We were taught that the wife was to be submissive to her husband and that she was to do what he said. So I guess I never questioned anything. And stemming back to childhood, I just felt I must deserve what I got.

Sometimes the hope that things may change if I just hold on a little longer, if I just do what I am suppose to do, if I was just a good girl, and a better wife----you just sometimes hope that something will change.

When you feel you deserve nothing but that because that is all you have ever known, then you hold on. When things are even a little better than before you hold on.

Thank you for posting. Sending gentle hugs and lovingthoughts.

dps