I think you should reconsider your ideas about sex and about God. Somehow you need to balance the two ideas so you don't feel so guilty and ashamed.

I personally do not believe God wants to (or has) punish(ed) you. "God is love. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:18 I also believe that it is impossible to live perfectly without sin. That is where prayer and repentence comes in a Christian's life.

Below is an excerpt from THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE; a Christian Counseling book to help people with Self-Worth.

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THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE, by Robert McGee

MY SELF WORTH = MY PERFORMANCE + OTHERS’ OPINIONS

In other words, we meet our God-given needs for love and acceptance by either COMPULSIVENESS or WITHDRAWAL (AVOIDING RISK).

Robert McGee lists the four most common false beliefs:

1. The Performance Trap
<ul type="square"> [*] False Belief: I must "measure up" in order to feel good about myself.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of Failure (2) Perfectionism (3) Driven to succeed (4) Manipulating others to achieve success (5) Withdrawal from risks[*] Christian Answer: JUSTIFICATION - Romans 3:22-24 "Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"[/list]
2. The Approval Addict
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: I must be accepted by certain others in order to feel good about myself.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of rejection (2) Attempting to please others at any cost (3) Overly sensitive to criticim (4) Withdrawing from others to avoid disapproval[*] Christian Answer: RECONCILIATION - 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them."[/list]
3. The Blame Game
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of punishment (2) Punishing others (3) Blaming others for personal failure (4) Withdrawal from God and others (5) Driven to avoid failure[*] Christian Answer: PROPITIATION - "My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; And he is the propitiaion for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world."[/list]
4. Shame
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: I am what I am; I cannot change; I am hopeless.[*] Consequence: (1) Feeling of shame (2) Hopelessness (3) Inferiority (4) Passivity (5) Loss of creativity (6) Isolation (7) Withdrawal from others[*] Christian Answer: REGENERATION - Titus 3:5-7 "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Spirit; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life."[/list]