DR- You arent hijacking! I love reading your perspective and responses to me It is very confusing, not about my pdoc, but about what a person's motives may be. I have been very naive thorughout my life when it comes to this. Of course, I am better now at trusting my instincts and at recognizing signs that someone is not being all that up front with me. But, when someone is nice, it IS SO difficult to discern what is nice and what is manipulative or insincere. I respond to nice, almost as if it is a trigger for me. Act nice to me and you've got all of me forever. Sigh....

Sunny- You did an amazing job with T going back there. I think any kind of closure, even yrs later, can give you a sense of peace and being understood.

I am thinking and thinking if my current T is reminiscent of my pdoc. I dont know. Im tyring to find a connection. Whcih way could it be reminiscent? They dont really act alike, or maybe they do? I felt so mothered by pdoc, but not by ftt. I dont feel mothered by her (which is why I dont feel obsessed, Im sure of it now). They dont look alike.

Maybe I am exploring all of the corners of my mind that has caused me discomfort and pain. I cant begin to even say how working on my finances has me opened me up to working on anything that has troubled me. I want to go back to working on my father issues, too. Im feeling like it will all be OK. As if I am separating the shame and fear from ME. I am not my shame or fear. I will be OK. I say that now, but as I move along with the money thing there will be more terror coming up. I can go back and forth.

About this previous T, I feel like it is unfinished business. I felt like I was ungrateful and rude to just leave like that. Selfish. Oh, boy this is triggering my unworthy of being cared for stuff. That I wasnt worthy of it so I should have been more grateful and thanked her properly. There is a part of me that believes I wasnt deserving of all that care so I better go back, clear it up and say a proper thank you. Well, it is both, I am grateful and regret my actions as a teenager and she did give a lot to me, on the other hand, it brings up my feelings of having been undeserving of the care. I didnt realize it until I typed it out here.