Hi everyone

This is my first post, my first visit to this website...I generally don't do stuff like this, because I am leary of online privacy, etc.

However, I'm pretty down. I just moved home after graduating from grad school. I'm living with my family in our small, messy house and I'm 26 years old. I have a job starting soon, which is very good, considering the market for lawyers these days. I don't have many friends in town and the friends I do have are married.

During school, I was involved with someone. It was very much off and on. We graduated and I expected never see him again, but he came to visit me for a week. I know this guy is not good enough for me...he didn't treat me as well as he could have (not that I was an angel, but I think that was more of a defense mechanism there) and he doesn't care for me like he should, but I am so lonely right now and missing my old life, that I wish I could have him. I know it's because I'm just scared of starting again. It's tough living at home, too. I'm just so deeply frightened right now of being alone for the rest of my life - never getting married, never having children...I'll be 27 in a few months. I know it sounds silly, but it's all I can think about these days.

I feel like I'm translating my unhappiness onto this guy that I finally broke things off with (although we are still friends - good thing he lives 10 hours away)...and am only thinking of the positive things about him and missing him.

The thing is, I know I am just missing my old life, where everything was finally falling into place. And then I had to leave again. I'm scared of changes and I feel like I will never have anyone again.

My mom died over three and a half years ago and I went through a terrible breakup a few years ago (a five year relationship) without her. I got through law school by myself and I made a fantastic life for myself there. Now I am back to having nothing and I would give anything...anything!...for one more conversation with her.

All I want is someone that I love and who loves me back. And I am so, so afraid that I will never find that person. Every day I get older and I can't stop thinking about it.

I know I should be grateful for what I DO have, and I am, but I just don't know what to do.

Thanks.