I am going to try and keep this brief, but if you've seen any of my previous posts, you know that's sort of difficult for me...

My uncle was convicted on multiple counts of child molestation on young boys in November of '08. He has 3 children, 2 biological children, one male - now about 9, and 1 female - now 16, and one male - adopted, now 28. He used to work with troubled male youth, which is how he had so much access to the victims. My cousin was adopted as a pre-teen, and it has always been whispered about it my family, in regards to the very odd relationship that the two of them have, and the concerns over what may or may not have happened there.

Many of the people who testified at my uncle's trial were members of our former church, and people that our family has known and trusted our entire life. However, my ENTIRE family, including my father, who spent upwards of 40k on my uncle's trial, are vehemently in denial about my uncle's illness, and continue to breed hatred and lies in the hearts of my now 16 year old female cousin, and anyone who will listen for that matter.

Before the trial, my uncle told me that he still showered with my then 7 or 8 year old biological cousin, and knowing what I know about the whispers and the questions we've all had about him over the years, (except for now that he's been convicted, of course. Now it's like none of that ever happened) it made my stomach turn to hear him tell me this. Then, within a week or so of my uncle telling me this, my adopted adult cousin tells me that he slept alone with my biological male cousin when his parents were out of town, because he was "afraid" to sleep alone. This, too, made me sick to my stomach. Call it intuition, I don't know.

After my uncle's conviction, I found the courage to call protective services and make a report about my uncle and my cousin over my concern for my young male cousin's safety. He was already exhibiting signs that I know can stem from abuse, eating problems and weight loss, trouble in school, social awkwardness, over-attachment to both my uncle and adult cousin, etc.

Well, I made the mistake of telling my father that I had called protective services when he questioned me about it, because I don't lie... it's just not who I am. And my father is a private investigator, so I thought he would find out sooner or later anyway. And HE told the rest of my family.

This was all back at the end of '08/beginning of '09.

My cousin had started dating my used-to-be best friend shortly before my uncle's trial, and proposed to her after a few months of dating. They are now married and expecting a child, a son, in April.

My family is a shadow of what it used to be, and I am basically the out-cast for having "turned" on them, by doing what I knew in my heart to be the right thing to do, even though, as far as I know, nothing came of the protective services visit to my cousin's home.

My aunt even called my father once when I was like 12 and told him that she was suspicious of my uncle sleeping in the bed with my then teenage adopted cousin, but turned it around on my father when she decided to confront my uncle on it and he blew up on her.

I'm sorry if this story is too fragmented, but I'm pretty upset right now, because through the beauty of social networking, I get to see my sister continue "friendships" with the very people who have ostracized me for trying to protect an innocent young boy, and when I tell her how much it upsets me, she tells me that she shouldn't have to "choose sides".

My used-to-be best friend never had a father figure in her life, and the step father that she did have was emotionally and verbally abusive, and far from affectionate or supportive. She is the type of person who would change her likes and dislikes according to who she was dating, and more than once over the course of our friendship she refused to speak to me for years at a time, and then came back to me when she didn't have anyone else to be there for her. When she did the same to me again this last time, and married my cousin, it was one of the most infuriating things I've ever experienced in my life.

To this day I cannot fathom her thought process through this. She HERSELF was uncomfortable with the relationship between my adopted cousin and my uncle before my uncle was incarcerated, but once the trial came along it was like none of it had ever happened. It is so strange to me... but at the same time, I know that all she really wanted was a man with money to come along and make her look complete and happy.

I try not to be, but I am terrified for this baby that is about to be born.

I'm going to stop now because I'm really starting to lose it and I don't need an episode right now, but I guess I just needed to vent.

I love my family more than anything, and it is very difficult after having grown up very close to all of them as a child, to now be completely distanced from most of them, and considered the transgressor in the situation, when all I was trying to do was help by being honest. My uncle used to tell me I was his favorite niece, I was born when he was about 15, and yet, he has allowed our family to turn on me and chosen to hide behind his lie and let me take the fall. Sometimes I want to write him and tell him what it has been like to go through all of this. Not to mention that I was pregnant the entire time that I endured the brunt of this...

But one thing does stand above all else for me, my son, will never have to experience what those poor victims did at the hand of my uncle, my cousin, or anyone else if I can help it. I do sincerely hope that they get help, that they can face the truth some day, that my family can heal and accept that truth, and more than anything that my old friend NEVER stands in the shadow and LETS something happen to her son like my aunt did to my adopted cousin.

I have been told that I just have to let them go, and move on with my life... but I'm not very good at letting go of people that I love. Especially an entire side of my family.

I just wonder sometimes how denial can be so strong in an entire group of people, that they would turn on the innocent, to protect the one convicted of the crime. It sort of contradicts the, "they're just protecting their family" explanation. Because, I used to be family, too.