((((goodgirl62))))

Thank you for your post. It is with a heavy heart I write to try to answer this post. I have to say this has taken me a while to be able to post on. Family is not something I talk about and it is not something I even want to claim. I am trying to break away from family as they are not good for me and they are not safe.

I had an aunt who passed away many years ago. She was the only one I ever believed loved me in my life. I do not feel anything for my parents except anger and terror. My siblings and I do not talk unless it is with my sister who is very judgemental and tells our so called family everything about me.

I left the place I lived because it was not safe and I was being controlled to the point I could not get away and I was afraid to even live. Since moving I have been attacked and also threatened by my sister. She has been praying something would happen to me to bring me back and she also has her church and others praying this.

They tell me no one can love me like they do yet they never send a card at Christmas, my birthday, or even when I had surgery. The calls I receive are anything but supportive and are always using threats to try to make me come back.

Love does not exist there--it never did. My children are not supportive and they do not know or want to know anything. They have been brought up in an environment that did not support me or want to hear me. In the name of religion I was told I was possessed and they tried to do exercisms.

I have been told to "just give it to God" and " just get over it" so many times that I really despise those phrases. I feel so alone and like I have no family really and it is better that way. Even now I am shaking as I write this with fear as each word comes across this screen.

I am feeling so overwhelmed at this moment and tears are streaming down my face as I type. I am not sure it is from the fear or from the realization of just what I have written. I have said this all along but when you actually write it out and see it, it becomes so real once again.

I have learned that my family is not that of birth but those that I care about and that have reached out to me and taken me in when I was so alone and lost. My friend is my family and her family has accepted me for who I am. They have shown me unconditional love which I never knew could be. PC is my family who I love and respect more than words can tell.

I am fearful as I know my family is somewhere and probably on here. They have been before and they know. They have taken my post and copied them and sent them out to all family members. Is that what love is? It is really something that scares me and I know each time I post here I take another chance at their attacks.

Somehow I fight to keep reaching out and taking the chance to heal. But healing is hard when it is used against you at every turn. When the past keep coming back in the present and the present becomes entangled once again with the past.

Thank you for posting and for sharing your stories. They really touched me in ways I cannot describe. May we all find ways to heal from that which was put upon us and that which we are survivors from. Thank you again.

dps