Exoticflower, that is so totally understandable. We are like that as well. My ex husband was showing signs of abusive behavior while we were "dating" , but I did did not see his true colors until it was almost too late. He almost put me in the ground.
The part of me who is the warrior (Mick) really is beating herself up because of the abuse the ex did to us. You remind me of her in how strong you are and how you fight so hard to stay safe and take care of yourself. My T just adores Mick even though she flat out told him she does not trust him or anyone :-) LOL. I think you are the type of person my T would really enjoy having as a client because of that inner strength you have.

I am sure you will do like my Mick does and continue to give yourself a hard time for a while. But maybe it is just your way of trying to gleen as much learning from the event as you can - so it will never ever happen again - and so you can warn others of any danger signs. What do you think about that?