Having suicidal thoughts and intents is always difficult. I am relieved that although I am a little down I am not suicidal. I have "early warning" thoughts that help me know when suicidal thoughts are coming. First I have intrustive thoughts that I wish I had something wrong with me that others could see, they progress to wishing I was dying (passive suicidal thoughts), and finally having active suicidal thoughts. I guess that's helpful but it doesn't mean I can avoid the active suicidal thoughts.
I hope you continue to improve!