Hi everyone,

Kelly here. I used to come here a while back when my OCD was flaring up. Then I got on Lexapro and I've been doing a lot better, except for my hypochondria. It's like the Lexapro doesn't touch it but my OCD is so much better (worrying that harm will come to my loved ones). I have been convinced that I have cancer and lately MS, brain tumor and heart disease. I have two very real things going on in my body and they have been going on for over a year. Hip pain and lower back pain. I'm convinced now that I have a herniated disk in my back and cancer in my hip. I hate it. I feel like I am wasting my precious life being worried about dying. And my OCD does kick in a little when I try to convince myself that I am not dying-- it says: if you stop worrying, then it will really happen when you're not expecting it. So part of me thinks that worrying about it is what actually keeps it away. And I'm off on a little OCD moment here... maybe the Lexapro isn't working as well as I thought. Heh heh. Now I'm thinking something bad is going to happen because I am talking abou this. ACK! I am so mad that this is the brain I got stuck with. I want to be laid back and mellow. Does anyone else have hypochondria? And what are some of the things that help you relieve the worry? I also worry that I'll get something deadly because I'm worrying that I'll get something deadly. In other words, that having these negative thoughts WILL give me cancer. Double ACK!! Someone once told me that cancer is a sign of self-loathing and I spent many years hating myself. But I don't believe that 100% anymore because animals get cancer and they are not self-aware so how could they hate themselves? Okay, well I feel a little better after having vented here. Looking forward to some hugs and support from all you lovely people. Thanks! -Kelly (formerly from Tucson, now in beautiful Portland, OR) xox