Dear Sarah,
I just turned 63 and, looking back over my life, I see a person who tried so hard to control her behavior but failed many, many times. I wasn't diagnosed with BP until I was 48 so you can imagine the cracks I fell through.

I am an alcoholic, I have a gambling addiction, and I was a sexaholic, PLUS BP. I have something you don't, which should make you proud...I was in denial. Please know you are taking giant steps by just even admitting there's a problem! When I finally got to AA, I was willing myself to die. I couldn't take any more of this life. But amazingly, at the same time I got dx'd with BP! The two things totally changed my life.

Please don't ever give up Sarah. I even stopped being promiscuous too! I realized I might really get a serious illness from my behavior. But it took a while. The drinking took a while too. But you seem willing to admit to your behavior now which is an incredible plus.

There's so much more I could say but just will say I really, really understand what you are going through, and know that it will get better. Apply yourself, get to AA if you are ready, and talk with your pdoc about meds. Also, be kind to yourself. I wish you well.