I'm stuck here at this weight. I was diagnosed with ANA over a decade ago ... that's so scary in itself. I've been considered to be in "recovery" on several occasions through this process. BY recovery the doctors mean "at a healthy enough weight." I'm not sure exactly when my ED started spiraling out of control again ... But the end of december I had lost 25 pounds since only a few months prior. Once I saw that number I knew I could do better. I lost 5 more pounds. But now I'm stuck. I'm stuck 14 pounds from my goal weight. No matter how little I eat, or what I do to jump start my metabolism ... nothing works. No matter what pills I take, or how many miles I run ... I stay the same.

I'm not looking for advice on how to get lower, though I want it. I'm looking for a reason. I biological understanding of how I can be burning more calories (in significant amounts) than I am intaking and not loss even a pound. Am I broken. I can't live like this. I need to see results. I feel like I'm losing control by not making progress. I feel like my pain is in vain. BUt I can't stop. I need to keep trying. I look forward to being alone, I hate going to work, if I break my goal for the day I I want to go back to SI behaviors. That number is taunting me. It is laughing at me. I take pictures to see my progress. The number is the same, but I look bigger. My pants are falling off but I'm growing. I fear that soon I will look like a 300 pound woman ... without ever taking a bite.