it's just hard because i'll be doing okay and he'll just come by and knock my feet out from under me. when he's his normal self he's so lovely, then he found out about being deployed and he just snapped and it's like my real love died and i want him back so badly. i mean we were looking at rings and making plans to move in together, then he suddenly stopped talking to me. his family has been my support system because mine could care less.

i got fired for missing work for being in the hospital, and i can't seem to find another job even though i've applied to a million places... and my mother just told me she's getting a transfer at work and moving to a different state so i better find somewhere else to live, but my doc said i can't work because i'll get worse.

and all i want to do is curl up with him and feel better like i used to but he refuses to speak to me. the last thing he said was "i love you, sweet dreams" before all this happened.

his cousin said she's just trying to lay low with our friendship to make sure he comes to visit next weekend, and then she's going to get him to talk about what's going on with him with me. he refuses to speak to anyone about me. it's just so strange and painful. i miss him. and if i stop talking to him on the forum we met on like he said to, then he seeks me out and posts to me to be a jerk. i can't win. i just so badly wish he'd go back to normal.